I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
