I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
