I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
