i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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