So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You took a bar mat shot.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
