New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize