i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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