So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize