Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize