C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
