apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
