Ketchup is God's man juice
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
bring money and cleavage
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
