I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
