Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
