I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
