There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
