So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
