it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize