I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
