google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Randomize
