I just threw up on my dentist
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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