A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
