I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
where does the pee come out of this thing
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
