He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
