Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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