I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
