Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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