Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
