Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
