pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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