handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
