I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
