You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
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