I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
