i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
our cab driver is having phone sex.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
