i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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