so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
