"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
is that a dick in a sweater?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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