Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
