Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
