you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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