Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
