a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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