I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
