i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
