just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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