I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
