i can't believe i had my finger in that
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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