Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
