Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
