just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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