AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
