okay pat passed out under dana's car
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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