Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
