Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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