so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
