My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
