my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Farmville is her only friend.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm getting married
To pizza
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
