I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
