Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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