Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
