very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
i believe in u and ur pee
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
