wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
and i looked up. we had an audience...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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