Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
