we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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