Can Purell be used as lube?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize