so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i would one night stand the shit outta him
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
