I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
