I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
