dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
