i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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