so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
