I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
