she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
