I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
