is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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