Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
