My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
