is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
