Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
