He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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