someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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