I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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