just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
