Princesses don't give blow jobs
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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