you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
