This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
false alarm, still single
Randomize
