I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
