just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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