I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
