You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
A+ Viking dick
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
