At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
